What is Insanity?

What is insanity? 

There are a lot of definitions. There are a lot of large vocabulary words and medical terms to describe what insanity is, but wanting someone you can’t have is probably the most accurate.

Being so wildy attracted to someone you can’t have is insanity. It’s like being hit by a bus everytime you see them. For a fleeting moment the adrenaline kicks in and you feel so high, then the most intense pain you’ve ever felt washes over you like a tidal wave. You leave feeling so alone, so empty, a shell of a human being. That person’s face haunts you. It’s the first one you see when you wake up because all you can dream about is them. It’s the last face you see before you fall asleep. Permanently etched into your vision. It gets to the point where you don’t want to wake up because the life you have with them in dreamland is so perfect and you don’t want to be thrust back into the reality of them not loving you back.

Insanity is feeling your phone go off and hoping it’s them, then feeling your heart sink into your stomach every time it’s not. Insanity is crying on your way to work because you’ve finally let yourself realise you’re in love with them and can’t have them. Insanity is sitting in your kitchen by yourself drinking a cup of coffee remembering what they sound like when they laugh, the sparkle in their eye when they tell you about the crazy shit they get themselves into, how easily they get you to open up to them about anything and everything.

Insanity is wondering. Do they feel the same about you? Do they see you in the same halo of light you see them? Does their heart get ripped out of their chest everytime you leave? Do they lay awake at night thinking about what it would be like to hold you in their arms every day? Do they wonder what you’re thinking when your eyes meet? Do they know how much joy and pain they cause you?

So, by definition, I am insane.

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