What is Insanity?

What is insanity? 

There are a lot of definitions. There are a lot of large vocabulary words and medical terms to describe what insanity is, but wanting someone you can’t have is probably the most accurate.

Being so wildy attracted to someone you can’t have is insanity. It’s like being hit by a bus everytime you see them. For a fleeting moment the adrenaline kicks in and you feel so high, then the most intense pain you’ve ever felt washes over you like a tidal wave. You leave feeling so alone, so empty, a shell of a human being. That person’s face haunts you. It’s the first one you see when you wake up because all you can dream about is them. It’s the last face you see before you fall asleep. Permanently etched into your vision. It gets to the point where you don’t want to wake up because the life you have with them in dreamland is so perfect and you don’t want to be thrust back into the reality of them not loving you back.

Insanity is feeling your phone go off and hoping it’s them, then feeling your heart sink into your stomach every time it’s not. Insanity is crying on your way to work because you’ve finally let yourself realise you’re in love with them and can’t have them. Insanity is sitting in your kitchen by yourself drinking a cup of coffee remembering what they sound like when they laugh, the sparkle in their eye when they tell you about the crazy shit they get themselves into, how easily they get you to open up to them about anything and everything.

Insanity is wondering. Do they feel the same about you? Do they see you in the same halo of light you see them? Does their heart get ripped out of their chest everytime you leave? Do they lay awake at night thinking about what it would be like to hold you in their arms every day? Do they wonder what you’re thinking when your eyes meet? Do they know how much joy and pain they cause you?

So, by definition, I am insane.

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Qualifications

So I’ve come up with a list of qualifications for my next relationship. Here it is:

  1. He has to challenge me mentally. I’m tired of dating men that cannot talk to me about the things that interest me because they simply do not understand them.
  2. No DUIs. Come on. “But I was young and stupid.” Yeah I was young and stupid once too but I didn’t get pulled over drunk.
  3. Doesn’t want kids. I know this is a sensitive topic but I don’t want kids. I don’t even think I can have them to be honest, so it’s easier to not want them then to be heartbroken over trying and failing to conceive. Plus I don’t want to grow a human. That’s too much work.
  4. Wants to travel. Obvious.
  5. Will take cute selfies with me and not bitch about it. 😛 
  6. Will do things with me like painting the house at 2am. Seriously because I just painted my upstairs hallway.
  7. Works out. This will motivate me to do the same.
  8. Physically attractive. Come on ladies. If you don’t wanna have sex with your man then the relationship is not gonna work.
  9. College degree or some kind of equivalent expensive piece of paper.
  10. Has his own goals in life. And wants to help me to achieve my goals.
  11. Will walk BESIDE me through life. Not in front of or behind me. I need someone who can share the load. I’m tired of being strong all by myself. Someone standing with me can help to ease some of the struggle.
  12. Supports me in what I do. I will do the same.
  13. “Put on that dress I like and I’ll pick you up at 7.” Plan dates for us. Stop using “I don’t know, you pick.” I want romance.
  14. Will want to take baths with me. 
  15. Bonfires, mud bogs, and truck pulls. Duh.
  16. Eats healthy. I need motivation in that area too.
  17. Spontaneous. What if I wanna drive to the beach one night and just lay out on the sand on a blanket and contemplate the universe with the waves crashing in the background?
  18. Since I’m a Scorpio, astrological matches are a must. No Libras. Sorry guys. I’m also pretty done with Virgos…
  19. Spiritual. Not religious. I’m a wiccan. I need someone that understands what I do. That’s important. No I will not go to church. So don’t ask.
  20. Will do yoga with me. I’ve always wanted to try tantric yoga 😉
  21. Most importantly…can understand, appreciate, and use sarcasm with ease.
  22. TATTOOS…I love them. I have lots and am getting more. Share this with me.
  23. Coffee drinker. This is kind of a deal breaker.
  24. Dog person.
  25. Has a job/career that he loves or is at least happy with.
  26. Has experience in the restaurant business. I’m tired of explaining to people why I don’t leave right at the time we close.
  27. He has to dance. This is also a deal breaker.
  28. I have to be attracted to his hands. I love rough hands. Working man’s hands. That know when to fight, when to work, and when to love. I need to feel safe and secure in his arms.

I know this is probably a tall order but I’m done with settling. I want what I want, and I will get what I want or I’ll just end up being the crazy dog lady.

I want my first marriage to be my only marriage.

Coffee

I feel that my love of coffee deserves a blog post so here it is:

Coffee and I have an undying relationship. When things get rocky, Coffee is what I turn to to make it all go away. A warm cup of coffee helps everything. Sometimes Coffee needs the help of his friends Baileys and Khalua (those are the more rough days) though. Like today. I have gone through so many emotions in the past two days it is unbelievable. My ex moved out yesterday, I’m suffering from a horrible ear infection, mother nature can be a bitch, and let me just say that when someone seems too good to be true…they are. 

So Baileys and Khalua have joined forces with Coffee to help me recover from this emotional bombardment. It also helped that my dear Scorpio friend came to visit today and I was able to sage my house of left over energies and get back into reading tarot. 

My all time favorite coffee mug. It combines my love of coffee with my love of Mustangs and Fords.

So thank you Coffee for being there when no one else is. You are warm and comforting to my soul. I think that you are my soul mate.

For real though, if you want to win me over, just bring me coffee…preferably from Dunkin Donuts.. Large Xtra Cream and Xtra Sugar 🙂

Blessed be!

Seraphina