What is Insanity?

What is insanity? 

There are a lot of definitions. There are a lot of large vocabulary words and medical terms to describe what insanity is, but wanting someone you can’t have is probably the most accurate.

Being so wildy attracted to someone you can’t have is insanity. It’s like being hit by a bus everytime you see them. For a fleeting moment the adrenaline kicks in and you feel so high, then the most intense pain you’ve ever felt washes over you like a tidal wave. You leave feeling so alone, so empty, a shell of a human being. That person’s face haunts you. It’s the first one you see when you wake up because all you can dream about is them. It’s the last face you see before you fall asleep. Permanently etched into your vision. It gets to the point where you don’t want to wake up because the life you have with them in dreamland is so perfect and you don’t want to be thrust back into the reality of them not loving you back.

Insanity is feeling your phone go off and hoping it’s them, then feeling your heart sink into your stomach every time it’s not. Insanity is crying on your way to work because you’ve finally let yourself realise you’re in love with them and can’t have them. Insanity is sitting in your kitchen by yourself drinking a cup of coffee remembering what they sound like when they laugh, the sparkle in their eye when they tell you about the crazy shit they get themselves into, how easily they get you to open up to them about anything and everything.

Insanity is wondering. Do they feel the same about you? Do they see you in the same halo of light you see them? Does their heart get ripped out of their chest everytime you leave? Do they lay awake at night thinking about what it would be like to hold you in their arms every day? Do they wonder what you’re thinking when your eyes meet? Do they know how much joy and pain they cause you?

So, by definition, I am insane.

It’s Been A While

Hello out there! It’s been a while! You know how life can catch you in some busy times. It’s been a busy couple of weeks. I have neglected my blog, but I’m back to a point where I can post every day again! Not much has changed, just been working a lot.

I’ve started going to the gym regularly to get back in shape. I found out really quickly that I’m not in the shape I used to be! What prompted me going to the gym is my dancing is suffering because my muscles have gotten weak and my flexibility is almost gone. So I’m hopping back on the yoga train and I’m working out three times a week.

Wish me luck! Keep an eye out for more posts coming soon!

Blessed be to you all!

Seraphina

Everything is Nothing with a Twist

You know what the best answer to the question “what is it you want from me?” is? “Nothing.”

Saying this to a person who has given everything to everyone they have ever known is the most heartstopping, breathtaking, absolutely freeing response. “A person in my life doesn’t actually want anything from me.” 

Some of you may think “we’ll damn that’s kinda harsh” when in reality it’s the nicest thing someone can say to you. It can translate into “I do not need anything from you, just having you in my life is enough.”

I love balance. Yin and yang, good and evil, everything and nothing, harmony. So in all reality, telling me you need and want nothing from me is basically saying that I’ve already given you everything you want or need. 

I love the above quote because it’s roots are in math. Zero is empty. It is the definition of nothing. Infinity is full. It is the definition of everything. Zero and Infinity are two concepts that are so abstract and hard to comprehend but are so similar and almost the same thing. One is nothing, one is everything. Balance. The same but complete opposites. And like the quote above, infinity is zero twisted. Everything and Nothing are so connected just like everything else in nature. 

Little divergence. One thing that really irritates me is when people get an infinity symbol tattooed on them and they really have no idea what infinity means. Yes it means there is no end, but it is so much more than that.

Infinity has no limits. It is full but it keeps filling up. You can put anything into infinity and it will take it. It’s like continuously pouring water into a glass that fills up but never overflows. On the opposite side of the same spectrum, Zero is empty. It is never full and cannot hold anything. Think of it like the glass of water. Nothing is pouring water into a glass that never fills. The water disappears as soon as it touches the glass and the glass never gets wet. 

And yet if you twist a zero, it becomes an infinity. One small instant in life can take someone from being nothing to you to being your everything. Your zero to your infinity. 

Telling me you need nothing from me is something that can make you my everything. That twist that turns the tables.

So think about what you are to someone. Are you their nothing or their everything? What can you do to twist that nothing into everything? Go out there and find that twist and become someone’s everything!

Blessed be!

Seraphina

Qualifications

So I’ve come up with a list of qualifications for my next relationship. Here it is:

  1. He has to challenge me mentally. I’m tired of dating men that cannot talk to me about the things that interest me because they simply do not understand them.
  2. No DUIs. Come on. “But I was young and stupid.” Yeah I was young and stupid once too but I didn’t get pulled over drunk.
  3. Doesn’t want kids. I know this is a sensitive topic but I don’t want kids. I don’t even think I can have them to be honest, so it’s easier to not want them then to be heartbroken over trying and failing to conceive. Plus I don’t want to grow a human. That’s too much work.
  4. Wants to travel. Obvious.
  5. Will take cute selfies with me and not bitch about it. 😛 
  6. Will do things with me like painting the house at 2am. Seriously because I just painted my upstairs hallway.
  7. Works out. This will motivate me to do the same.
  8. Physically attractive. Come on ladies. If you don’t wanna have sex with your man then the relationship is not gonna work.
  9. College degree or some kind of equivalent expensive piece of paper.
  10. Has his own goals in life. And wants to help me to achieve my goals.
  11. Will walk BESIDE me through life. Not in front of or behind me. I need someone who can share the load. I’m tired of being strong all by myself. Someone standing with me can help to ease some of the struggle.
  12. Supports me in what I do. I will do the same.
  13. “Put on that dress I like and I’ll pick you up at 7.” Plan dates for us. Stop using “I don’t know, you pick.” I want romance.
  14. Will want to take baths with me. 
  15. Bonfires, mud bogs, and truck pulls. Duh.
  16. Eats healthy. I need motivation in that area too.
  17. Spontaneous. What if I wanna drive to the beach one night and just lay out on the sand on a blanket and contemplate the universe with the waves crashing in the background?
  18. Since I’m a Scorpio, astrological matches are a must. No Libras. Sorry guys. I’m also pretty done with Virgos…
  19. Spiritual. Not religious. I’m a wiccan. I need someone that understands what I do. That’s important. No I will not go to church. So don’t ask.
  20. Will do yoga with me. I’ve always wanted to try tantric yoga 😉
  21. Most importantly…can understand, appreciate, and use sarcasm with ease.
  22. TATTOOS…I love them. I have lots and am getting more. Share this with me.
  23. Coffee drinker. This is kind of a deal breaker.
  24. Dog person.
  25. Has a job/career that he loves or is at least happy with.
  26. Has experience in the restaurant business. I’m tired of explaining to people why I don’t leave right at the time we close.
  27. He has to dance. This is also a deal breaker.
  28. I have to be attracted to his hands. I love rough hands. Working man’s hands. That know when to fight, when to work, and when to love. I need to feel safe and secure in his arms.

I know this is probably a tall order but I’m done with settling. I want what I want, and I will get what I want or I’ll just end up being the crazy dog lady.

I want my first marriage to be my only marriage.

Alcohol Part 1 – The Cocktail

Every time I see this word I think of that country song by Brad Paisley. The one where alcohol makes you put that lamp shade on your head. I can’t read this word as ‘alcohol’, I read it as he sings it ‘alllll-cah-haaaaaaallllll’. Once you hear that song, you will never see that word the same again!

My own recipe for a pink Starburst shooter. I also make them as drinks, and I suppose you can make them into martinis too.

So why the post about alcohol? Well, my life revolves around it. You can’t bartend without alcohol, according to the song, it helps white people dance (we all know that one guy), and really brings people together (unless you’re that angry drunk that wants to fight everybody and their brother when you drink).

Watermelon Basil Margarita from BJ’S Brewhouse. They look so pretty!

One of my favorite things to do when bartending is make cocktails. Mixology has become increasingly popular throughout the years and rightfully so! You combine your knowledge of flavors to create the perfect cocktail. It’s a science. It’s math. It’s art. It’s beauty. And it gets people drunk. Which is the ultimate goal right? To make people feel good? I know I strive to make my customers feel happy and welcome. What better way to do that than with a perfectly crafted mixed drink?

Handcrafted Lemon Drop Martini. I really enjoy making these as martinis. There is just something about putting a perfect sugar rim on a martini glass that makes you feel so accomplished!

My fellow bartender best friend, Scorpio, and I are planning a trip to New York City to take a mixology class. Why? Because why not? Go to New York, shop, eat, dance, drink, and learn how to make the most fabulous cocktails ever. One thing about being a bartender, you can NEVER stop learning. The bar world changes so fast and so much that you HAVE to go take courses, read articles online, watch YouTube videos, etc. in order to keep up with trends. 

The “it” thing right now with cocktails is fruit and herbs. That’s right. Fresh raspberries in a cocktail? Ok. Elaborate garnishes with bright green limes, exquisitely cut orange slices, that perfectly yellow lemon wedge, leafy stalks of celery in bloody marys? Ok. Let’s through some pineapple, limes, cherries, and an orange in there and muddle it all together. Ok, sure. That probably wouldn’t taste too great but you catch my point. Rum and cokes are a thing of the past. You better get used to ordering a Sex On A Fire Truck, or a Strawberry Mojito, or a White Peach Margarita (which includes slices of peach in the drink). 

Here is me in my natural habitat behind the bar. Martinis for days!

Have fun with your alcohol! Order those fancy fru-fru drinks…it’s ok!! Learn new things. Love what you do! Make people happy!

Adventures

Adventures aren’t always traveling far away. They can be as simple as going to Waffle House at 3am or a spontaneous trip to the river five minutes from your house. Adventures don’t always have to be with someone else either. You could take a trip to a little hole in the wall used book store or take yourself out to lunch. 

It’s always fun with somebody though. Everyone needs that one person to randomly do shit with. That friend that will call you at 2pm and say “get dressed we’re going on an adventure”. 

Be that friend. Call someone close to you and go do something. Go get coffee. Go get tattoos. Do an impromptu photo shoot in the park near your house. 

Getting ready to move across the country, I’m looking for my adventure buddy. Be that a romantic partner or a friend…doesn’t matter. I’d love to have someone pack everything up and travel with me. On the way to Arizona we will stop at all the breweries on the way. Site see, stay in motels, sing loudly to every song on the radio, just enjoy being together. We can go anywhere and do anything. The world is our playground.

Now accepting applications 😉

Blessed be!

Seraphina