Everything is Nothing with a Twist

You know what the best answer to the question “what is it you want from me?” is? “Nothing.”

Saying this to a person who has given everything to everyone they have ever known is the most heartstopping, breathtaking, absolutely freeing response. “A person in my life doesn’t actually want anything from me.” 

Some of you may think “we’ll damn that’s kinda harsh” when in reality it’s the nicest thing someone can say to you. It can translate into “I do not need anything from you, just having you in my life is enough.”

I love balance. Yin and yang, good and evil, everything and nothing, harmony. So in all reality, telling me you need and want nothing from me is basically saying that I’ve already given you everything you want or need. 

I love the above quote because it’s roots are in math. Zero is empty. It is the definition of nothing. Infinity is full. It is the definition of everything. Zero and Infinity are two concepts that are so abstract and hard to comprehend but are so similar and almost the same thing. One is nothing, one is everything. Balance. The same but complete opposites. And like the quote above, infinity is zero twisted. Everything and Nothing are so connected just like everything else in nature. 

Little divergence. One thing that really irritates me is when people get an infinity symbol tattooed on them and they really have no idea what infinity means. Yes it means there is no end, but it is so much more than that.

Infinity has no limits. It is full but it keeps filling up. You can put anything into infinity and it will take it. It’s like continuously pouring water into a glass that fills up but never overflows. On the opposite side of the same spectrum, Zero is empty. It is never full and cannot hold anything. Think of it like the glass of water. Nothing is pouring water into a glass that never fills. The water disappears as soon as it touches the glass and the glass never gets wet. 

And yet if you twist a zero, it becomes an infinity. One small instant in life can take someone from being nothing to you to being your everything. Your zero to your infinity. 

Telling me you need nothing from me is something that can make you my everything. That twist that turns the tables.

So think about what you are to someone. Are you their nothing or their everything? What can you do to twist that nothing into everything? Go out there and find that twist and become someone’s everything!

Blessed be!

Seraphina

Not Everyone Matters

Once you stop living your life for everyone else and start living your life for yourself, you find out who your true friends really are. Those who just wanted something from you, to use you and throw you away, suddenly dissappear, and all who remain are those who actually care about you. This number may be small, in fact it’s usually about two or three, but those two or three people are always there for you no matter what. Sometimes a person you thought was your best friend ends up being one of those disappearing acts. It hurts but you are better off for it in the end.

By trying to eliminate things that are tying me down so I can seamlessly move across the country, I feel like I’ve lost a lot of people. One person in particular has used me time and time again and now that I’ve come to terms with it, they have basically left my life completely. Over and over again I have seen this person, my best friend, destroy everything they worked hard for and run to me to save the day. 

No more. I’m not in the saving mood any longer. I don’t want relationships, friendships included, that require me to save someone. I want all the people in my life to walk beside me, not in front of or behind me. I want people in my life that support me as much as I support them. I want people who work WITH me.

“The light from the fires of the bridges I’m burning will guide my way.”

I would love to find someone that will travel the world with me. An adventure partner. Be that a friendship or a relationship, it doesn’t matter. Will I find that person here? Most likely not. I’ve burned so many bridges here in my hometown, I’m surrounded by flames. Granted those flames are giving me the strength and the energy I need to go somewhere completely new and uproot my entire life and start over.

That being said, one soul has touched mine and stoked the fire inside of me, so to speak. This soul brought my name to me, constantly challenges me to think, and gives me a steady unlimited energy stream. I don’t know where this new found connection will take me but I do know that I am better for having met them. I’m putting this in the hands of the universe. Where ever it leads, it leads. If it doesn’t go anywhere, so be it.

Start living your life for YOU and everyone you don’t need will go away and leave those who love you standing there with open arms. Remember: NOT EVERYONE MATTERS. Only a select few matter and those are the ones to focus on. Stop focusing on how other people see you and just BE you.

Blessed be!

Seraphina 

Don’t Waste It

A lot of people were shocked when I quit my teaching career. “You’re leaving a salaried position to go back to bartending?” Or “you’re leaving a respectable job to be a BARTENDER?” Or “your money is never promised in that line of work.” I was called an embarrassment.

I had to do something. I was getting sick every morning before I would get to work. I was having panic attacks three or four times a day. I HATED teaching. I HATED going to work. I didn’t want to wake up in the morning. I was miserable.

So I put in my resignation and got hired on at a bar in Richmond. I HAD to do it. Teaching was literally killing me. 

Now I am so incredibly happy. I get antsy waiting to leave my house for work. Bartending is an art and a science. I get to meet new people every day and I get to see some of the same faces. Every shift is different from the last. I don’t have to live in a box. I can go out and do whatever I want to do without fear of the public seeing me and then losing my job. 

I came across this today which prompted this post:

This is what I have been doing for the past year. Even through the heartbreak I have seriously been happier than I have in my entire life. I am no longer living a life that everyone else wants me to live. I am living for ME. I will eventually find a person that will want to share my life and appreciate me for who I am and what I do, but for right now I am doing what I want to do.

So, take the picture, take the selfie, go to that old bookstore, travel across the country, travel to other countries, go see the world, be happy with who you are and what you want. You only have one life so live it how you want to live it. I know I am and it feels amazing. 

Don’t waste your life.

Seraphina

Intimacy

“To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.”

Oh the truth behind this quote. 

I’d like to share with you the story of human creation as told in Greek mythology:

Humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two beings condemning humankind to forever search for their other half.

Some people call your other half your soul mate or your twin flame. I feel like I have been searching endlessly for my other half. In my past relationships I fell in love with certain aspects of that person. One man was my high school sweetheart who shared my love of music, one was a firefighter I fell in love with for his hard work ethic and his moral responsibility, one was the typical “bad boy”…I don’t feel the need to explain that attraction, and the most recent man I fell in love with because he made me feel safe and secure. He loved me and took care of me. He worked hard every day and is the kind of man any woman would dream of having. 

So why did my last relationship fail? If he was so perfect why are we not together anymore? Why do I feel like I wasted three and a half years of my life? 

The answer is I didn’t waste any time at all. I found that we never connected on an intellectual level. I’m not saying he is a stupid person, not in any sense. He is extremely intellegent. What I am implying is we never took the time to understand eachother’s minds. The physical connection was amazing, and we all know that great sex is 50% of a relationship, but as I went on my journey of discovering who I was and what I wanted in life, I realized that he never understood what was going on in my mind. On the flip side, I didn’t understand how his mind worked either. Granted I didn’t realize that I was an empath or suffering from depression an anxiety so I didn’t know how to express myself. I am not great at face to face communication. Give me a pen and paper and I can tell you anything. Stand in front of me asking for answers to life, I’ve got nothing. So you can understand how that relationship came to an end.

Then I met my Gemini. I noticed him before he noticed me. Definitely a physical yearning there but more importantly than that, he took the time to get to know what was going on in my head. He makes me talk. He makes me put into words what I feel on a daily basis. He makes me reflect on what is making me distraught. He literally knows everything about me. Everything. We talk for hours on the phone almost everyday. My gemini is the one who really pushed me to be happy, to take on life with a new appreciation of the gift I have been given. “To have someone understand your mind is a different kind of intimacy.” 

I’ll share one such instance with you. After my breakup, I felt that I needed something in my life. I have a love for dogs. They are my children. I have one dog, Dixie, who has been with me for 3 years and I love her with all of my heart. But I needed something more, so I decided it was time to get another puppy. I called my Gemini and told him I was getting a puppy. Instead of telling me “you don’t need another dog, you need to focus on yourself” he instantly replied “I know why you’re getting a puppy and I fully support that decision.” He understood that being empathic I am very susceptible to feelings and energy. I needed to feel peace and happiness. A puppy exudes peace. Even when he’s running around biting my feet and driving me insane, because well he’s a puppy, I feel happiness and pure love. My gemini understood that without me having to explain anything. 

I have finally found what I have been missing in my relationships. Now, am I dating this mysterious man? Well, no. It’s hard to have a relationship with someone who is literally a world away from you. But he has taught me that I need to find someone who understands me. I need to take the time to understand someone else. That is literally the best kind of intimacy you can have with another human being.

Don’t settle for someone. Find that person who wants to know YOU. Be picky. Your other half is out there somewhere just waiting for you to find them.

Blessed be!

Seraphina