Alone

Alone is an interesting word with a lot of different implications. Alone in the house for a while…alone in the bath tub soaking the work day out of your tired feet…sitting alone in a bookstore using their WiFi to work on school assignments.

Then there is the alone where you sit in the house all day by yourself waiting for your best friend and pretty much husband to get home from a day of work with only the characters from Big Bang Theory to keep you company. The alone where your phone is so silent that you start to wonder why the hell you even pay to keep it turned on. The kind of alone where you finally have a job that gives you copious amounts of time off while you still make enough money to make ends meet and more and finally have the time to write but depression gets the better of you so you sit and do nothing. But you’re not doing nothing, you’re bored as fuck and trying to figure out something to do. So you pack up your laptop in your purse, say bye to the dogs, jump in the car and head to the closest bookstore. Nope. Too many people there. So you go to a local deli and sit for hours finally able to write. But then you get bored again so you go spend money on unnecessary things to waste time till he gets home and end up coming home with bags and an empty wallet wondering why you can’t save money.

Now it’s 1:30am and you can’t sleep but you’re so depressed you have no motivation to do anything but are so bored you have to do something so you start writing a blog post about being alone. Viscious cycle. Big Bang Theory still playing in the background as you try your best to stay quiet so he can sleep because he has to work in the morning.

You know, it’s funny that people call you their friend when you are out in public together but you’re really not. No one calls you or texts you unless they need something from you or all of their other more important friends are busy. The sad part about that though? You’re so desperate to have friends that you’ll jump when they say to. Then you end up getting used and walked all over and swear that you’ll never hang out with them again. Unfortunately the phone rings and you jump when they say so…again.

That is alone. Having only one person in your life that you can rely on because you can’t even rely on yourself. Don’t get me wrong. Having such a person in your life is amazing. He will do anything for you and you love him deeply and will do anything for him…but it’s a lonely existence. Especially when you can’t even think of three people you can rely on, or even want, to be bridesmaids if you two ever got married.

So now it’s 1:44am and you’re sitting alone in the bathroom trying to figure out if you want to take a bath and switch out Big Bang for Friends, still typing. Ehh might as well. I don’t have anything else to do.

“Nah, I’m fine.” She said with a smile.

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Everything is Nothing with a Twist

You know what the best answer to the question “what is it you want from me?” is? “Nothing.”

Saying this to a person who has given everything to everyone they have ever known is the most heartstopping, breathtaking, absolutely freeing response. “A person in my life doesn’t actually want anything from me.” 

Some of you may think “we’ll damn that’s kinda harsh” when in reality it’s the nicest thing someone can say to you. It can translate into “I do not need anything from you, just having you in my life is enough.”

I love balance. Yin and yang, good and evil, everything and nothing, harmony. So in all reality, telling me you need and want nothing from me is basically saying that I’ve already given you everything you want or need. 

I love the above quote because it’s roots are in math. Zero is empty. It is the definition of nothing. Infinity is full. It is the definition of everything. Zero and Infinity are two concepts that are so abstract and hard to comprehend but are so similar and almost the same thing. One is nothing, one is everything. Balance. The same but complete opposites. And like the quote above, infinity is zero twisted. Everything and Nothing are so connected just like everything else in nature. 

Little divergence. One thing that really irritates me is when people get an infinity symbol tattooed on them and they really have no idea what infinity means. Yes it means there is no end, but it is so much more than that.

Infinity has no limits. It is full but it keeps filling up. You can put anything into infinity and it will take it. It’s like continuously pouring water into a glass that fills up but never overflows. On the opposite side of the same spectrum, Zero is empty. It is never full and cannot hold anything. Think of it like the glass of water. Nothing is pouring water into a glass that never fills. The water disappears as soon as it touches the glass and the glass never gets wet. 

And yet if you twist a zero, it becomes an infinity. One small instant in life can take someone from being nothing to you to being your everything. Your zero to your infinity. 

Telling me you need nothing from me is something that can make you my everything. That twist that turns the tables.

So think about what you are to someone. Are you their nothing or their everything? What can you do to twist that nothing into everything? Go out there and find that twist and become someone’s everything!

Blessed be!

Seraphina